TRP: Hansel and Raef (Sick Hearts)
407 Setting: Castle grounds - chicken coop area. The castle was on edge. Hansel and Larkin were hardly back, Goro had lost his memories (Sin), and everyone was worried. He wanted to help, but Luci was with Goro and he didn't want to creep in there with the flood of people already there. And maybe it was his fault. He'd send breakfast in the morning. It was something and Goro probably wouldn't do it on his own (or make his unbuttered toast). Raef snorted softly before signing. Shit had gone to hell in a hand basket fast. Outside in the crisp air it was less stifling, less immediate, with the soft murmuring of the chickens locked securely away. Raef ran his hands through his hair, blowing out a puff of air. Everything would be fine...it had to be. IZZY Hansel skulked around for a bit. He'd spotted Raef, out with the chickens -- was getting late, so maybe he'd just gone out to put them away for the night, or maybe he just wanted to make himself scarce. Big castle felt mighty small sometimes. Hansel just kept pacing around inside, fuckin' dithering. It was like setting a dislocated shoulder, he told himself. You just had to fucking do it. He didn't, though. He kept on pacing, trying to put the words together in his head, for a while longer before going out. He was about as stealthy as a moose, so he didn't even try, letting his boots just thump on out towards the coop. It was late enough to be a bit chilly, so he'd pulled on a flannel -- all right, he'd mostly pulled it on because going and getting it was something to do that wasn't telling his partner that he'd killed their lover -- and had his hands shoved down into the pockets and his shoulders hunched a bit. Aye, real victorious march, commander. Maybe this wouldn't feel so fucking bad if he'd gotten to Anwyll before the sonofabitch got to Goro, or if it hadn't actually just been fucking Diva. He'd at least have a leg to stand on, then. Well, wasn't like the snake -- whoever the fuck it was -- hadn't been a fucking threat, but he hadn't even managed to kill it in time, and he'd been out for the blood of the wrong person the entire time. He was pretty sure he'd be fuckin' sore if Raef had gone and murdered Mishka when Mishka was hosted. Wasn't fair. It was just all fucked up, all the way around. Once he was close enough, he called out, "Hey, chaveri." MINK Clouds floated lazily across the moon, which was hardly visible above the horizon now. It was late. He probably should head to bed. Az and Tikva had been asleep awhile and maybe others were gonna follow suit soon. Raef was ready to make good on his idea of going back in when heavy footsteps came to him. Hansel was never stealthy so he wasn't surprised when he heard the call. He raised a hand up, tearing his gaze away from the moon to smile at him. "Evening," he said. Hansel had changed, good. The clothes he'd come home in had been filthy - he'd done something...he always did, but he was okay. Or looked okay. Nothing was really okay at the moment. IZZY Hansel hesitated a second, then closed the rest of the distance between them to wrap Raef up in a hug. Just the once, before things got real fuckin' bad. He didn't say anything yet. MINK Oh. Raef wrapped his arms around Hansel's waist (as good as he could) and folded into the hug. Hansel smelled of the woods, of the earth, with just a whisper of the ocean...he always did...He didn't say anything, enjoying the hug as his stomach gave the smallest of jolts. Something was wrong, but he didn't want to know just yet. IZZY Hansel kept holding him for a moment. He squeezed his eyes closed. Like a dislocated shoulder. "Gotta talk t'you about somethin'," he said, muffled into Raef's hair, and let go reluctantly and slowly. "Oughta sit down." MINK Raef had to make himself let go when Hansel pulled back. He wasn't fuckin' ready for whatever Hansel wanted to say. "Everythin' okay?" he asked just to say something as he led the way to the bench near the coop. Normally he sat there with Tikva on his lap, throwing seed out to the chickens, but not tonight. Tonight tension hung in the air as he sat down. IZZY He shook his head. Well, Raef knew that, anyway. Everything was kinda fucked up. Was just that it was all a bit more fucked up that he knew, just yet. Hansel didn't sit down, himself. He shoved his hands back in his pockets and glanced off the to side. Felt like he wanted to sit and keep holding Raef, and it felt like Raef wanted him to, but he was gonna change his mind. "Went to Patch Island," he said lowly. He'd kept pacing around inside and trying to decide if he was gonna mention Larkin, and it wasn't like her being there was a fuckin' secret, but Hansel didn't wanna come off like he was foisting the blame onto her. "Out in the jungle. Found Anwyll. He fuckin' -- was comin' after Goro, Raef." Finally looked at him, then, grimacing, wanting to say it like he was desperate for Raef to understand, but it wasn't like Raef wasn't gonna understand what happened to things that threatened your family. "I couldn't let that go." MINK Patch Island. Raef's jaw tensed and he twined his fingers together, squeezing. He watched Hansel. Waiting. Waiting for shit he didn't want to fuckin' know about. Ice settled in his chest, sharp and painful. "He wasn't," he said, barely keeping his tone from reflecting the icy feeling beginning to creep through him. IZZY "He fuckin' was," Hansel started to argue, even though he knew better, kind of -- he still didn't have it all quite puzzled out yet. He corrected himself. "I mean that -- so far as I fuckin' knew, aye?" He wanted to beg, You understand, right? You know I didn't just do this on a goddamn whim, like I didn't care that it was gonna hurt you? He jerked a hand out of his pocket to scrub at his face instead. That wasn't the fucking point. He wasn't here to try and get Raef to forgive him. "Anwyll was Diva," he blurted out. MINK His nails pricked his skin. The flare of pain was welcome - a small distraction from the words that sprang to his tongue. He had told Goro it wasn't Anwyll. He had told them all. Raef swallowed. He didn't fuckin' know what to do, what to say, what -- "Diva's dead," he answered automatically. They'd fuckin' got her. Sins didn't just fuckin' come back. IZZY Hansel shook his head. Same thing Mishka had said. Probably what he would have said, if he hadn't fucking seen it. Hadn't heard it. "She ain't," he said, a bit hoarsely. "She had him." MINK Raef slouched back into the bench. She had him. Something ugly bubbled up, black and tacky, like tar. "...how'd you...how'd you find out?" Hollowness threatened to consume the words before he pushed it down, shoved to the back of his mind. He didn't want to know, but he had to know. IZZY Hansel hesitated again. "Killed Anwyll. Came back as ... as her, I s'pose. Had her voice, an' her eyes, knew who I was. I dunno if Anwyll's still ..." He trailed off there. MINK ...yeah...yeah...of course... ...of course... Raef's gaze dropped to the darkened grass at his feet. His heart hurt - breaking, cracking, tearing...again...again... "...he didn't...he didn't do anything..." he whispered, hardly more than a breath. Anwyll hadn't - hadn't - hadn't hurt Goro. It wasn't him and now...and now... ...now... Tears splashed to his lap. ...again... IZZY "It was Diva," Hansel mumbled. He edged closer, needing to fucking do something, not knowing if Raef would want him to. Probably wouldn't. "I didn't know." MINK Raef wiped at his face (tried to - his hand shook). His gaze snapped up. For a moment he was angry. "I said it wasn't him." Hot at first before fading away into nothing. He shook his head. Hansel hadn't listened to him. ...and now... ...now...(again) His throat hurt as he bit back a sob threatening to fall out of him. "...Han..." Raef shook his head again before dropping it into his hands. "...why..." Why did he go after Anwyll? Why? Why didn't he listen to him...believe him?...why was someone else leaving him? Why couldn't he hold onto happiness just a little while longer? IZZY "He came for my family," Hansel protested weakly. He moved a little closer again, aching to drop down and pull Raef into a hug. "I didn't know. I couldn't know somethin' was controllin' him. Thought you were just ... wrong about him. 'Cause you get t'be wrong about people you love." It felt shitty to say. He wanted to argue that -- that it wasn't like it was all trickery in dreams anymore, that Anwyll fucking had come straight for Goro in the real goddamn waking world, that he did more than just scare Goro, like that hadn't been bad enough. He wanted to argue that he'd made the best choice he could, the safest choice for his family, not knowing it was just Anwyll's body and Diva behind his eyes. "I'm sorry," he whispered, instead, because the reasons didn't matter right now, and that was what he felt. MINK Raef wanted to be mad, wanted to scream, wanted to do something else...be something else...be somewhere else...be anywhere else... Instead he could only sob into his hands. "...I...I..." he choked out, struggling now to wipe his eyes only to fall back to covering them. He was tired of losing everyone he ever loved. "...I...I...c-can't..." Not again....not again... IZZY Hansel broke. He dropped down in front of Raef to pull him to the ground, into a hug -- kind of tentative, but figuring if Raef wanted away, really, he could misty step, or he could stab Hansel, or punch him, and that would be fine -- that was okay -- Hansel just had to fucking try. "It's okay," he said fiercely. "Gonna be okay. I promise. I'm gonna fix this. We're gonna fix him." MINK Raef wound Hansel's shirt into his shaking hands. Fuck. He wanted to push him just as much as he wanted to hold him. He didn't know what to do...if Hansel hadn't... hadn't gone after Anwyll...but then he wouldn't know... He pressed his face in against Hansel's neck, curling his legs up. "...it...is isn't..." None of this was okay. None of it. His grip tightened. Oh, his heart hurt. He shoved a little at Hansel, but that anger faded too. "...I...I...." don't know what to do. He swallowed. "...what...what if we can't?" IZZY Hansel faltered a little, at the shove, but Raef was still holding onto him, so he kept holding on, too. "Ain't an option," he said firmly. "It just ain't. I'm gonna fucking make this right, Raef." MINK Raef squeezed his eyes shut. They'd tried to kill Diva before - she was supposed to be dead - how were they gonna do it again? If...if they couldn't...then Anwyll would be - would be gone. Trapped by the slimy bitch. He sniffed. He tightened his grip on Hansel. "...please..." What? He didn't know...he felt lost, waiting at the edge of a pit yawning before him to swallow him up. He could only nuzzle into Hansel and hold him, torn between anger and sorrow. IZZY Hansel squeezed him tighter and nodded furiously. Didn't matter what Raef wanted. He didn't even have to finish saying it. "Aye. Anything, chaveri," he swore, face buried in his hair. MINK Raef opened his mouth, but all that came out was a sigh. He squeezed Hansel even tighter. "...don't-don't..." leave me. He swallowed. Fuck, anger was easier than this hollow feeling. "...pl-please don't leave me..." Not like Aesar. Not like Azrael. Not like Griffin. ...not like Anwyll. IZZY Ah, fuck. "I won't," Hansel said, straight away. "I won't, I won't." This wasn't how he'd thought this was gonna go. He'd figured Raef was going to hate him. Even if him and Larkin didn't manage to kill Anwyll, wasn't like Raef was never going to find out -- Hansel would've just come clean anyway, even without Diva making shit worse. The intent always would've been the same. Hansel always made that choice to strap his trident on and go off Raef's lover. He figured he'd come home, and -- Raef wouldn't be able to look at him, anymore, at best. He figured it was the price he had to pay to keep Goro safe, and he'd decided -- sort of in the back of his head -- to be all right with Raef hating him as long as Goro was fuckin' alive. Raef was supposed to be pissed at him. Not begging him to stay. But Hansel was good at staying, so he held onto Raef tight and kissed his hair, and whispered, "I won't, I got you, s'okay." MINK Raef could only let out a whimpering sort of sob, his eyes still squeezed shut against the tears pricking them. He didn't know...before he could've believed it, anything, and he wanted to. He wanted to trust Hansel more than anything. He wanted to believe him again. But...Hansel had ripped one more thing from his life - his shitty little life he was trying desperately to repair... God, did he want to hate Hansel. How he wanted to feel anything but this (again). But he fuckin' couldn't. The tears only fell faster and he held Hansel like the lifeline he was. IZZY Hansel didn't know what else to say -- what else he could do, just now -- so he just found himself repeating, "I'm gonna make it right. Gonna fix it. I promise. I got you. Gonna be okay," and kissing Raef's hair, rocking him a little. He guessed he'd figured he'd be stronger than this. He'd be able to deal with Raef being upset -- like he wouldn't fucking be sad, on top of being angry? -- as long as at the end of the day, everyone was safe. He wasn't, though. It fucking broke his heart. MINK Raef nodded jerkily....yeah...yeah... He whimpered. He untwined his hands (they were starting to hurt), but he didn't let go for long. He slipped them under Hansel's shirt to hold him...feel him...feel his skin and muscles flex with every warm breath... ...it didn't fuckin' matter if anger would come.. ...it didn't fuckin' matter that his heart was shattered... ...it didn't fuckin' matter that he felt on the brink of wavering sanity... He inhaled shakily. He was tired. He needed a drink. He needed...he needed... ...he needed to see... But first... "...I need...I need tea," he mumbled, voice hoarse, throat sore, still choked by tears. IZZY "Aye." Hansel nodded. He shifted a bit to scoop Raef up, without thinking about it, and turned to carry him back up towards the castle. A little weakly, he suggested, "Somethin' a bit stronger, maybe." He wanted to drink like a motherfucker, but he still needed to go see Goro, and he needed to be sober for that. Needed to have his head on straight. Seemed likely that he was gonna want to drink after, though. Wasn't what Raef was going through -- not even -- but he'd ... kind of lost Goro. Didn't know if they could get him or Anwyll back, as much as he kept repeating it. MINK Raef shook his head. He didn't want something stronger. He wanted to be sober when he went to sleep...maybe he could find Anwyll there...maybe they could save Anwyll if he found him in his dreams... He rubbed at his face, wincing; it was tender. "...just tea..." Maybe some company. Someone to chase the tears away with until he fell asleep. Hansel'd probably go see Goro later - probably needed to see him. He would. He could go back to Az and Tikva, but they were asleep. They didn't need to be involved in this fuckin' mess. ...maybe Mishka....Mishka was good. Calming. IZZY "A'right," Hansel said softly. "Whatever you want." MINK Raef squeezed Hansel; it was awkward being carried, but he wanted to. Wanted to keep touching him. But eventually they'd arrive at the kitchen and he'd be put down... He gave another squeeze. "...can you stay a couple o' minutes?" Not as hoarse. Good. He couldn't fuckin' cry forever. IZZY He nodded fervently again, managing to get the doors open without letting go. "'Course. I'll make your tea. Hang out long as you need." Then he hesitated, wanting to ask if he should go wake Az up, or get Mishka, maybe. Wanted to say it was okay if Raef wanted someone else, and didn't really wanna see his face, just didn't wanna be alone. Hansel didn't want to leave him, though. Not 'til he had to. MINK "...thanks..." Another squeeze before they were in the kitchen and he was sitting at the small dining table there. Raef slouched forward, folding his arms on the table, and then resting his chin on them. He was fuckin' exhausted. He just wanted to sit there. He followed Hansel with his eyes. Emotion after confusing emotion welled up, popped, and was replaced by another. He'd never thought someone he loved would go after someone else he loved. Raef shifted a little to rub his eyes. "...did she say anythin'?" he asked, for something to say. Something that wouldn't make the tears fall again. To think of something else. IZZY Hansel grimaced, keeping himself busy with clattering around to make tea. Went for the soothing stuff, that blend Amari had told him about. "Not ... not anything fuckin' helpful." Hello, handsome. He cleared his throat. "Uh, lissen, me and Mishka -- we were talkin'. I think ..." Another wince. "I mean, I figure you're right, that Anwyll wasn't the one comin' after Goro at all, yeah? Wouldn't have any reason to. I never got that," he mumbled. He'd just decided it hadn't mattered. Hadn't fuckin' poked at the motivations too much. "Must've been Diva. But -- he wasn't Diva all the time, aye?" He glanced over his shoulder, frowning. "He was himself, when he was with you. You never noticed -- I dunno, him slippin', somehow?" MINK "...Anwyll wouldn't...he promised..." Raef agreed softly. ...you get t'be wrong about people you love ... He hadn't been. Anwyll said he loved him and he trusted that, trusted him. He frowned as he sat up, slouching into the chair. "...no...he was...he was always..." He shrugged. Anwyll was always just Anwyll. Something nagged at him. "...said he'd talk t' Goro if Goro wanted after - after the dream..." He tapped the table, his frown deepening. IZZY "Yeah, Goro sure fuckin' didn't want," Hansel muttered. "S'pose it was a fuckin' Diva dream all along." He set the tea to steeping and frowned, drumming his fingers against the countertop. "Anwyll didn't know nothin' about it? Like --." He hesitated, and quietly said, "Like he forgot, same as Goro?" MINK "...yeah..." Raef answered absentmindedly. He drummed his fingers, watching them, the nagging was louder. Anwyll's forgotten...like Goro...and Goro felt like -- He snapped his gaze up to Hansel. The room felt too cold. "...she...she..." he hesitated. Shit. What a fuckin' night. "... she's turnin' Goro." IZZY Hansel grimaced down at the counter. "Yeah. Yeah, I thought ... maybe so." He was quiet for a beat. He closed his eyes and swallowed down the fear, let out a breath, and turned to bring Raef his tea and sit with him. "So here's what's gonna fuckin' happen, chaveri," he said firmly. "We're gonna figure out how to get fucking rid of her. For real this time, for good." He jabbed his finger into the table as he talked, for emphasis, same as he had when him and Larkin had sat here and talked about killing Anwyll. "Get her outta Goro. Get her outta Anwyll. We ain't fuckin' losin'em. We're gonna save them both, aye?" MINK Raef pulled the cup closer to him, wrapping his fingers around it, seeking the warmth there. He took a sip of it. He wasn't certain they could do it. They'd done it before and she was back...taking lives again, spreading her fuckin' sickness... Hansel sounded so sure. Steady. Like this might happen. "...aye..." He took another sip and set the cup down with his hands still wrapped around it. He watched the dark liquid swirl. "...we'll...we'll save them." They had to. Hansel couldn't lose Goro and he couldn't lose Anwyll. END Category:Text Roleplay